Face your fears

Its less than 48 hours before I leave for Gencon. It's official, my obsessively persistent panic has set in.

I don't like to fly, I don't like to travel and I find the entire experience leaves me in a cold sweat.

This year, like last, I am flying alone. My girlfriends have already girded their loins for my panicked phone calls and IM's which range from "I am reading the TSA website. If I pour my leave-in conditioner in a 3 oz bottle and put it in the quart sized bag, that is ok right?" or my "Ok, so I can have a bic lighter, and a book of matches, but I can't have my nail clippers, but I can have my nail scissors if they are less than 4inches of blade? Can I bring my leatherman or is that a no?"

I thank the gods for people who will put up with my crazed mind as I pack, repack, empty out one purse so I can make sure I got my lip gloss into the quart sized bag and not in my makeup bag. LOL

I know myself well enough to know I will be fine once I land, but until then, my breath will quicken, I'll worry I forgot something and probably have a nightmare about being strip searched in the airport.

All the rules change every year it seems and rereading them every time make me feel like I have some control over an uncontrollable situation.

I don't know about anyone else, but I feel like I walk in an airport and every civil right my husband fights for disappears in the fog of rules, searches and chaos.

I'm excited about my trip, but am smart enough to realize its going to be a long couple of days of keeping my own insecurities at bay.

I am sorry, there is nothing natural about strapping myself into an aluminum tin can and reaching for the clouds!

In gaming news, I have figured out how to play DDO one handed fairly well. Nothing spectacular, but its good exercise for the brain :) My apologies to anyone who has run with me lately and wondered if I was a moron. I'm not honest, just a wee tad gimped atm.

In other news, I have discovered I am actually quite good at taking care of things, I have a super heightened awareness for BS, and Navy life is never boring. You can't please everyone all the time, and shouldn't try. Everyone has bad days, people are as flawed as a jewel in the sun, and most women are a minefield of emotions. Acceptance is key and thinking someone should change who they are isn't fair...to you, them or the universe.

Best advice a really good friend gave me was, when someone is looking for validation,lend them a mirror :) I turned it on myself this week and was quite pleased to find that for all the soul searching, wailing, gnashing of teeth and bathing in ashes, I like who I am.

I thought I was having a crappy summer. Maybe I'm not. Maybe I am just learning how to do things a different way.