The need for balance

" Are you ok?" "We haven't seen much of you lately?" "What have you been playing besides DDO?"

The above has been a never ending refrain from my gaming friends. They have found me on Xfire, Yahoo, AOL, Googletalk, MSN, E-mail, and by text.

Apparently I have been absent from my game of choice and missed.

I hadn't really noticed how little I had been playing until people started pointing it out to me. There isn't a room in this house I can't play a game of some sort in. The PSP can go anywhere, I have 2 playstations, xbox thingy, the computers.

It's not as if it isn't in my face all the time really.

So what's happened?

Everything I do, I strive to be very very good at. I am a perfectionist, a picture straightener, an overly organized, self motivated mess cleaner upper.

Why should my turn towards domestic bliss be any different?

I sat down a couple of days ago and took a look at my daily schedule. I was shocked at the amount of time I spend thinking, planning and considering how to be domestic.

There are only the two of us. How in the world am I not finding time to game?

It all comes down to balance. Something I sorely needed to be reminded of.

I don't have to vacuum everyday, or plan an overly complicated dinner, or mop, dust and straighten.

Except when I lived alone, I knew how I liked things. It was easy to keep things my way.

Add a MAN to the mix and the whole thing gets turned upside down.

I stared at the kitchen yesterday and saw all these little smudgy marks on my cabinets. How did they get there exactly? After discussing them with a girlfriend, we decided on them being made by dirty man fingers.

He cooks sometimes. He makes fabulous things. My kitchen can, however, look like a nuclear blast went off in there. Do they wave the spoon of liquid over the stove and floor while cooking?

And what's with staining my cabinets permanently a dingy brown with coffee and tea?

In other words, my overly ordered mind picks up on all the little things and then obsesses over them.

I am not sure this is something I can readily let go off, but I am going to work on it.

I am also thinking about scheduling gaming time the same way I do my work out time. Kinda sad when I think about it. At this present moment, I seem incapable of allowing myself to relax long enough to actually enjoy my unrequested time off.

I figure this is something most housewives face. The thought that I am a housewife has annoyed me to no end, but with the economy being in the toilet and my skill set being in an industry that has imploded, I am where I am.

I was grateful for the time off at first and dreamed of all the games I could conquer with my newly found free time.

After a quick self check this week, I realized I have perfected myself right into a stressball of angst and stubbornness. I am not doing what I like to do. I am not even doing things I enjoy.

Unattractive to say the least.

When I worked, I had balance. I went to work, came home, did a few chores nightly, microwaved meals and gamed till the wee hours. It was decidedly glorious in its uncomplicated simplicity.

I live in my "job" now. Turning a blind eye to all the things I think I have to take care of isn't as easy since I can't walk out the door and ignore it. Its right in front of me. Staring. Reminding me to worry over it.

I remember somewhere about how it takes 21 days to make a habit that will stick. Relaxing is a habit I need to cultivate.

I find pleasure in gaming. I am going to indulge myself a little bit more and make a time of day when I am not allowed to be housewife extraordinaire.

I would play some DDO this weekend and let people see me out and about, however, they have experienced server crashes of an unprecedented magnitude. I am not sure if I am willing to put up with it this weekend. I will maybe go fire up the playstation and play some more Final Fantasy 12.

I am also going to work on a small project my other Navy friends have going on.

It's a picture a day endeavor.

I don't like cameras. I always seem to take fabulous thumb shots, or blurry people shots, or red eyed monster shots. My girlfriends have been doing this since the first of the year and watching how they find something everyday to celebrate had me itching to try it. There is nothing wrong with allowing your mind to be creative and to find the joy in your life every single day.

So at the end of my blogs for a while you will find a photo with a brief description. Enjoy!

The hubby brought me home some flowers. I love flowers. Amazing how something so simple can make me smile and feel all mushy :)